Things get better, things come out of the blue

So as many of you know, I was in a relationship with an amazing girl for about a year, but just during the last gasp of summer things went wrong. She was a significant part of my life, well, we were quite serious about everything. Now, I won't get into the nitty gritty, but when we broke up it hit us both pretty hard. We both felt shitty at different times and in different ways, but if there's one thing I'm glad about, it's that we can still talk easily to one another. We've changed our feelings, but we still care about each other.

We actually had a really long and good conversation last night though (first one in a while as well) . . . . I guess the best word to use here is "healthy." She has an ability to cut through a lot of the crap that I am able to get away with in many of my other conversations and she can cut into how things are with me in ways that I really do appreciate. I have this horrible tendancy to be more detached and aloof than I would like to be, and even now that we're broken up, she still has this way of drawing me back and actually feeling things and thinking about things that I don't normally do. I miss that quite a bit, especially here in the new town I'm in. This was someone that's gotten to know me more than most, and not to be around her has made things hard.

That being said, I realise more and more that we can't be together now, and that we broke up and that part of "us" is over. I want to write "for now" at the end of that sentence, but I can't predict the future. It felt really good to have a conversation with her, talk openly and honestly about the things in our lives, and not just get talking on a superficial level. There was a huge weight taken off my shoulders after the call ended, and I know that when we talk next it'll be good too. I've never been good friends with ex's, but with the amount of time that we dated and how close we got to one another, I'm glad that we can be cool with each other and actually talk about things. I still care for her but it's changing from how it used to be.

I've been feeling really shitty lately with the aftermath of this breakup being the bulk of that. I mean, I've completely changed my life around in the past two months, and as a result I'm unsure about so much here in this completely unfamiliar environment. Brockville is good and the people I work with are excellent, but it's just really weird to work 7 days a week. I'm tired most of the time and can't find the time to do the things I want too. Of course, this is all just part of my adjustment period, but at heart, I'm an impatient man who likes it when my plans come to fruition exactly when I want them too, no matter how impossible it is for everything to work out perfectly to plan.

I'm just treading water here, trying to minimize the numerous screwups I keep making at the radio station, learning everything that I can, all the while trying to have some semblence of a social life. I'm not going to lie . . . it's been pretty hard so far.

Anyway, I got some great news recently . . . . apparently Unibrau is reuniting for a one-off gig . . . on November 30th in Toronto. I'll have more details as they come in, but these days I'm just trying to get or stay happy.

Brockville

needs some fucking sun ASAP

I hate reading weather forecasts with nothing but rain in them.

Also, it gets dark here at 4:30 . . . . wha????? I thought this only happened on a frickin' mountain New frickin' Hampshire.

I am a torn man. My eyes are ahead but my mind lags behind.

My sleep? Let's not even go there . . . .

Luckily there are things and people that stay the same, and for those I am thankful.

There's so much shit and so much good wrapped into everything.

I'll stay in this small corner and build my inner empire. That sounds so fucking ridiculous, but that's how I feel.